I decided to do my project on my neighbor Shlomit, because even without the volunteer work she does, she really does represent a "face of Israel". In my opinion, anyone who makes aliya is a face of Israel, simply because they made the choice to come here to live, which is very different than living here by default, by just being born here. Also, Shlomit made aliya at 17, just after high school, without family. This shows a strong desire and resolution to be here. For example, my aliya was totally out of my control, my parents made the decision for me, and I'm very glad they did! However, making aliya as a teenager, as your own decision shows a lot of determination, and belief that this is what's right to do.
Shlomit has five children, who I can honestly say are some of the nicest kids I know. A quality one sees a lot in Israelis is their assertiveness, and aggression, and fortunately, these are not qualities I see in Shlomit and her family, although they are very Israeli. In addition, in her lifetime Shlomit has done a lot of different things that contribute to society and to Israel, and will be'ezrat hashem continue to do so!
Ben Michael Family, from left: Shir, Shlomit, Reut, Yonah, Chezi, Avinoam, Harel
Ben Michael family at the Kotel, from left: Yonah, Shir, Chezi, Harel, Reut, Shlomit, Avinoam
Shlomit Ben-Michael
Profile
Shlomit was born in Phildelphia, and made aliya just after high school, when she was 17.
During tenth grade, Shlomit lived in Rechovot for a year with her family, and studied at Tzvia, which is a very Zionistic school. The outlook at the school also contributed to her desire to make aliya, in addition to her friends.
"And when I was in tenth grade, I was in school with a bunch of friends that decided that I was going to make aliya after high school. They decided that. And I always wanted to make aliya, but I didn't know it would be at the age of seventeen!"
. After that year, the family returned to America, but when friends from Israel began to apply for Sherut Leumi, they also applied for Shlomit.
"They would send me letters, and call me and tell me that they applied for me here, and they applied for me there, and I would say, shtuyot (nonsense), I'm going to Stern College…. They called me up one day and said, "Listen, we got into Mevo Choron", and I said "Good for you!" They said:" No, good for you! You're coming with us!"1 She came to Moshav Mevo Cheron, near Modiin, and did National Service there. The service involved education, and work in the Ariel youth group on the moshav. The other part of the Sherut was at the airport, welcoming new olim from the Soviet Union, and making connections between new arrivals, and their relatives and friends in Israel.
After her year of National Service, Shlomit went to study Judaism at Orot College, after which she studied English literature, and political science at Bar Ilan University. She got married to Chezi in 1996, right after finishing at Bar Ilan and worked as a teacher and a project coordinator at a school, and in different organizations which work with Russian and Ethiopian olim, giving them Judaic enrichment. At the same time, she was working as an art teacher through a special program from an organization called Keren Karev which helps integrate education and creative projects in schools, particularly for "children at risk".
After getting married, they lived in Talmon, a yishuv in the Shomron, for a few years. During that time, Shlomit finished her degree at Bar Ilan, and worked at various jobs on the yishuv.
In 1998, she had her twin sons, Yonah and Harel.
The family lived in Jerusalem for a year and a half, and then in Rosh Tzurim for one year. Nine years ago, they moved to Efrat.
While in Talmon, Shlomit trained as a grant writer and did a master's degree in family counseling. Since then, she has been doing editing and writing work on and off, and also grant writing for all sorts of organizations.
Shlomit first became involved in matchmaking when she and her family were living in Rosh Tzurim.
“A friend of mine, she wasn't really my friend then, but for some reason, somebody told her that I'm interested in it, and I don't even know why she thought to call me...Now she's a very close friend of mine. And she called me up, and she told me: “Somebody told me that you're involved with shidduchim and I want to get married, I'm already twenty six years old, you really have to help me”.
And I said, “I'm not so involved with it, but I'll take your details and I'll see if I can help you”2 After that, Shlomit started collecting names, and trying to set people up.
Her daughter Shir, was born about two months after they arrived in Efrat, and soon after that, Shlomit decided to make a shabbaton for singles in Efrat.
After that year, she made five or six shabbatot in Efrat, ranging from about twenty singles to forty. The Shabbatot created a good opportunity for prospective couples to meet.
The people with whom Shlomit works are mostly younger religious people between 20 and 40, sometimes older. Some are from the area and the call Shlomit, who interviews them and puts the information into a database, which includes between three and four hundred people.
She also gets calls from people outside the area: “Sometimes I get a phone call from people in Haifa or the Golan or the Negev, and I don't know how they hear about me...People spread the word, and they call me and I interview them on the phone, or they come to my house.”3 Shidduchim are very, very hard to make. It's said in the Gemara that making a successful match is like the crossing of the Red Sea. Shlomit does not see herself as on the more successful side, but she works very hard at it.
“What I do is, I look through my database and I try to see what people are looking for, and based on that, I try to match them up. I set up probably anywhere between three and ten pairs a month...It usually doesn't work, it's very hard to make it work”4 Asked why it doesn't usually work, Shlomit answered that today, people are getting choosier and choosier. In today's “fast food era”, everybody wants the best possible product, now. In the past, people just wanted a nice spouse, whereas now they have a whole list of qualities that they are looking for in a partner, and they're very picky about it.
During the second Shabbaton in Efrat, there were about twenty five people attending.
“On Friday night, I took three men and three woman, and sent them to people's houses for a meal. So at that Shabbaton, there was a man who I knew very well and an old friend of mine from Bar Ilan, and I thought that they were very suitable. So I said to them: “Listen, I want you guys to me together at the Shabbat table for Friday night”. Each of them said to me the same thing. He said to me, “I know her, I met Nava, she's a really nice girl. I really don't mid being with her for Shabbat dinner, but don't put us together because you think that we're a match, because we're really not suited for each other.”5 The girl said essentially the same thing, that she didn't mind eating dinner together, but that they had been set up so many times, and they really weren't a match. Even though neither person was thrilled, they ended up at the same home for Shabbat evening anyway.
“So they sat together at the meal on Friday night and the spoke the entire shabbat, they were inseperable. Three weeks later, they were engaged, and today they have three daughters!”6 One prospective match that completely failed, was this:
“I once set up a friend of mine with a guy, who I was sure would be her husband, because he was just so similar to her. They went out, and she said afterward, “You know what? He's just to much like me!”7 Another very disappointing experience was a pair who got engaged, and everyone was excited and happy for them, but a few weeks later, they broke their engagement.
“That was very hard. I felt really bad about it.”8 One of Shlomit's goals for the future is to learn how to be a better matchmaker.
“I feel like, proportionate to the amount of time and effort that I put into it, I don't feel like I have enough results, and that's very disappointing.”9 As for long term goals, Shlomit wants to do three things.
One is to write a book about matchmaking. “I feel like writing a book on Jewish matchmaking will help me research the subject enough, and interview really successful, so that I could really learn more. Then, I want to share it with the world, in a book.”10 At the moment, however, Shlomit doesn't have the time to write a book, although she began it last year. Instead, she plans to write a blog, on the same subject. Eventually she plans to use the ideas and research from the blog, to compile a book.
“The other thing I'd like to do is to renew doing Shabbatonim again. I did one about three years ago, and that was my last one. I'd done five or six before that. Even though I think that time is probably better spent on setting people up, a lot of people have been asking me lately to bring people together in a Shabbat”11 Shlomit's philosophy is one that I think makes a lot of sense.
“Whenever people have a lot of something, they should share it. For example, people with a lot of money are supposed to give tzedaka. People with a big house should do hachnasat orchim. Everyone gives of their talents, of what they have plenty of, to the community. I feel that people who have a nice family life, their way of giving to the community should be to help other people get married as well.”12 When people thank Shlomit for making a shidduch for them, she makes a point of telling them that instead of repaying it to her, they should pass it on to others, and help their friends get married.
When asked whether she had a message she wanted to tell kids today, Shlomit said that everyone needs to find their own way to contribute to the community. If what you give is meaningful to you, then you not only give, but also receive. The gratification that comes from helping people in any capacity, whether it's shidduchim or anything else, is in itself very rewarding.
1-12. All footnotes quoted from interview with Shlomit
Background Research, Moshav Mevo Choron
Moshav Mevo Choron
Aerial View of Mevo Choron
Mevo Choron is the moshav on which Shlomit did Sherut Leumi. It is located in Emek Ayalon, close to Modiin and Latrun, and falls under the area of the Binyamin Council.
The moshav was founded by members of the Ezra youth movement, Garin Yahav. After the Six Day War, sixty members of Yahav decided that they wanted to found a settlement in the area captured during the war. The goal was to create a community which combined the values of work with a life of Torah and faith. They chose a rabbi for the moshav, who continues today to serve the community. For a long time, the moshav remained small, less than 40 families, but eventually grew and today it includes some 200 families, all religious.
The members of Garin Yahav entered the army and national service in the summer of 1968. Those doing national service arrived in what is now Mevo Modiin, and began various activities. Those serving in the army arrived some time after in the same area. Both groups eventually joined forces with other Garinim, "Segev", and "Mitnachlim", and eighteen months later, Mevo Choron was founded in Emek HaAyalon. After the Yom Kippur war, the moshav moved to its current location, and began to build permanent housing. Of the original members of Garin "Segev", ten couples married and still live in the settlement today.
The name chosen for the moshav comes from a biblical source in the book of Joshua.
The location of the moshav was chosen because of its proximity to other settlements, founded by the same movement, such as Shalavim, Chafetz Chaim, Bnei Reem, and Yesodot. Although the moshav is situated over the "Green Line", after long discussions and persuasion, its founding was eventually allowed by Moshe Dayan. When the moshav moved after the Yom Kippur War, the permanent location was allowed by Rechavam Ze'evi.
Today, Mevo Choron has several businesses situated on the moshav, such as agriculture, cows raised for slaughter, and a winery. In 1989, a company was started which produces ready made food for catering and other purposes. This business, in addition to employing people from the settlement, creates jobs for people from development cities like Lod, Ramle, and Ashkelon.
Moshav Mevo Choron is a thriving community with several synagogues, a library, several children's kindergartens, and a medical clinic, among other public buildings. They are now in the process of building new housing, and the community continues to grow today.
Sources: Community website of Moshav Mevo Choron: http://www.binyamin.org.il/?CategoryID=146&ArticleID=250
"Yesha council site: http://myesha.org.il/?CategoryID=175&ArticleID=103
Creative Connection
co·ex·ist[koh-ig-zist] 1. to exist together or at the same time.
2. to exist separately or independently but peaceably, often while remaining rivals or adversaries: Although their ideologies differ greatly, the two great powers must coexist
(definition taken from http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/coexist).
This drawing is of a bumper sticker, which I feel illustrates the point I'd like to make.
As seen from the definition above, the word "coexist" can mean to exist together or at the same time, and it can also mean to exist separately, but peaceably, even as rivals.
The reason I chose to use this sticker for my project is because I believe that coexistence is something that the world in general needs to learn, and more specifically, Israel needs to learn.
That said, this sticker carries a powerful message, not only because of the meaning of the word, but because the meaning of the word is expressed in the letters spelling it.
Each of the seven letters is also a certain symbol, as well as a letter, and the letters can be split into two categories: The O and the S are very general symbols for peace and cooperation, and the remaining five letters represent certain demographic groups. Coexist: The first letter of the word is not only a 'C', but also a crescent, with a five pointed star alongside it. The crescent is a well known Islamic symbol, and so represents the Muslim demographic.
Coexist: The second letter, the 'O', is a peace sign, which is a very universal symbol of peace. It was designed in 1958 as a logo for the Campaign for Nuclear Disarmament, and having never been copyrighted, spread quickly into more general use. The design is a combination of the letters 'N' and 'D' (standing for Nuclear Disarmament) in the flag semaphore alphabet, which is a system for conveying information over long distances, by means of visual signs such as flags. The sign for 'N' is made by holding the arms out from the body at a 45 degree angle, and the sign for 'D' is made by raising one flag above the head, and the other pointing down. The peace sign is a combination of the two.
The letter D in the flag semaphore alphabet
The letter N in the flag semaphore alphabet
Coexist: The third letter, the 'E', includes the symbols for male and female, which derive from astronomy and mythology.
The arrow protruding from the top of the letter is the symbol of Mars, who is the Roman god of war. It represents a shield and a spear.
The symbol at the bottom of the 'e' comes from Venus, who is the Roman goddess of love, beauty, and fertility. It symbolizes a mirror with a handle.
Both these symbols are still used today to denote the genders of plants, and also people. Because both the female and male symbols are on the same letter, the 'e' expresses unity and equality between the sexes. Coexist: The 'x' is a Star of David, and obviously, it symbolizes the Jews, and Israel. As we know, it comes from the shield of King David, and since then has been used by Jews in many contexts, such as flags, mezuzot, amulets, tombstones, Magen David Adom and many more.
As we know, the Magen David has unfortunately been associated also with the Nazi era and with antisemitism.
Coexist: The dot above the 'i' in the word is a symbol for the Wicca religion, which is a neopagan, nature-centered belief system. The Wiccan beliefs vary greatly from one practicer to another, but very generally, they believe in several of the mythological deities, and they place a lot of emphasis on nature and reverence of the earth. Although Wiccans are prohibited by their religion from engaging in rituals and activities which harm others, their religious practices bear some resemblance to those of Satanists, and obviously, this doesn't do wonders for their reputation. Frankly put, Wiccans are unusually bizarre. This is the reason that their symbol appears on this sticker. We should also tolerate people who are odd, and who practice unusual religions, provided that their religions are not harmful to others.
Coexist: The 's' here forms part of a “yin-yang” sign. This symbol is an originally Taoist image, and spread over the Western culture during the 50s and 60s. The circle represents Tao, which is the undifferentiated unity of all existence, and the black and white halves most commonly symbolize the feminine and the masculine. In Chinese, the words for feminine and masculine are yin-qi and yang-qi, hence the name of the symbol. The interesting thing about this is the way the two halves are connected. The swirling nature of the shapes represents the interdependence and constant transformation of the Yin and Yang. One cannot exist without the other, and as seen from the smaller constrasting circles within the symbol, each side always contain the other.
Yin yang: Anciet Tao Symbol, or Breakfast?
Returning to the bumper sticker, the yin-yang represents potential harmony and interdependence among people.
Coexist: The 't' quite clearly represents the Christian demographic in the world. The cross, or crucifix is the best known religious symbol of Christianity. It came into popular use around the second century AD, and originates from the shape of the cross on which Jesus was crucified. Like the Magen David in Judaism, the Christian cross has been used in a wide variety of settings, among them ornaments, swastikas, churches, and the Red Cross emergency system.
Red Cross
As we see, represented in this sticker are: the three major religions, Judaism, Christianity, and Islam, one minor but unusual religion, the Wiccans, and the two genders, female and male. Additionally, we have the peace sign, and the yin-yang sign, both symbolizing cooperation and harmony between people.
With regard to the colors in the drawing, the reason each letter is the same color, white, is to symbolize the equality between each demographic. Woman are not inferior to men, nor are Jews and Christians inferior to Muslims or Wiccans. White is also the color which symbolizes purity. I believe that almost all people are pure and good, somewhere inside them. All people are born pure, and they may do appalling things as they grow, but that innate spark is still around somewhere.
I chose to color the drawing the way I did because I wanted to illustrate a very overused cliche: “It takes all kinds to make the world go around”.
As I said, this is probably one of the world's most overworked cliches, but its truth is the reason for that. If all people were the same, life would be boring. To apply it to the drawing, if the green stripe wasn't there, it wouldn't look as good. If the purple wasn't there, it would be missing something.
In conclusion, I believe that coexistence is a very important concept to understand and apply, whether in the most trivial instance and whether in the most significant.
For instance, one may not like their neighbor or coworker very much, but they still need to live next to and work with them, to coexist with them. They may as well at least be civil to them.
On the other hand, in a matter such as our current situation in Israel, the different groups involved need to learn to coexist with one another. It goes without saying that this civility cannot be one sided. For example, I personally have no problem living next to Arabs on the condition that they understand that this is Israel, not Palestine, and on the condition that they don't murder me with tractors. However, that doesn't work if the Palestinian does intend to murder me with a tractor. The willingness to cooperate needs to come from both sides.
As another example, haredim are not my favorite people in the world (and I'm probably not theirs), but that doesn't mean that it's impossible to live in the same city, or area, or neighborhood as them.
Civility and respect for other people are the essence of coexistence, which is in turn, the potential backbone of global peace.
Literary Connection
I decided to do my literary connection on a song by the Beatles, "We Can Work it Out". Although the Beatles were active in a very different time period than ours, and although they were completely stoned when they wrote some of their songs, I think that a lot of their music describes things that are universal, and timeless.
The Beatles(from left): George Harrison, Paul McCartney, Ringo Starr, John Lennon
Songs like "Can't Buy Me Love", "Imagine", "Getting Better", are about situations and feelings that apply to thousands of different people, of all sorts. Therefore, even forty years after their breakup, their songs are still known the world over.
"We can work it out" is a song about cooperation, and reconciling our differences. Lyrics: Try to see it my way,
Do I have to keep on talking till I can't go on?
While you see it your way,
Run the risk of knowing that our love may soon be gone.
We can work it out,
We can work it out.
Think of what you're saying.
You can get it wrong and still you think that it's all right.
Think of what I'm saying,
We can work it out and get it straight, or say good night.
We can work it out,
We can work it out.
Life is very short, and there's no time
For fussing and fighting, my friend.
I have always thought that it's a crime,
So I will ask you once again.
Try to see it my way,
Only time will tell if I am right or I am wrong.
While you see it your way
There's a chance that we might fall apart before too long.
We can work it out,
We can work it out.
Life is very short, and there's no time
For fussing and fighting, my friend.
I have always thought that it's a crime,
So I will ask you once again.
Try to see it my way,
Only time will tell if I am right or I am wrong.
While you see it your way
There's a chance that we might fall apart before too long.
We can work it out 1
Although this song is actually about two people who are trying to get along, I think that it's applicable to lots of situations, among them the various conflicts in Israel today.
There are a lot of different factors in Israel's politics today. Among them are the Israelis, and all our subgroups of different religious and political beliefs, the Arabs, and all their subgroups, not to mention interference of other governments, like America.
I think that this song describes what needs to be done in politics now. Each of the above needs to understand the word compromise. They need to look outside the box, and see things someone else's way. Otherwise, we run the risk of knowing that any cooperation we do have with other factors is in danger.
One line that I particularly identify with is:
Life is very short, and there's no time
For fussing and fighting, my friend.
I have always thought that it's a crime,
So I will ask you once again.
Life really is too short to concentrate on things that don't matter. We need to stop fussing with political gestures to the Palestinians, and to the Americans, and simply do something already.
By the same token, each side in this needs to see the other side, and realize that they are not the only people on the planet.
The Americans need to understand that their political pressure on our government doesn't help anything, and the Palestinians need to learn to compromise. We shouldn't be agreeing to ridiculous exchanges that accomplish nothing more than handing them all the cards.
The other meaning that can be taken from this song is more on a personal level. The different religious and political groups in Israel need to learn to coexist. We need to show secular Israelis that not all religious people are fanatics, and that we really are not so different from them.
Only with civil cooperation between people, can we achieve anything.
While doing this project, I learned about the importance and power of what everyday people do each day. Before this project, I didn't even know that Shlomit did volunteer work with singles.
She has done a lot for many people and she keeps it very quiet, and both qualities are worth taking away from the project, both that of hard work and effort, and that of being humble about the results.
The spirit of voluteering is fortunately quite common in our Israeli society. This is one of my favourite things about Israel, the feeling of connection, that each person is responsible not only for themselves, but also for those around them. Israelis have an innate concern for the people surrounding them, and this shows the amount of brotherhood, and empathy in our society.
My expectations for this project, concerning the whole computerized aspect, the wiki, the collaboration with Frisch and so on, were sadly disappointed. I had assumed that the goal in using the computers and the wiki was to make it easier to access, and so forth. It seems, however, that the goal here was to make the wiki aggravating and frustrating to use. I found the wiki extremely user-unfriendly and unnecessary. Wouldn't it be easier to simply type up the paper, and hand it in? Why make things complicated? In addition, I am not particularly comfortable having my work on the Internet for anyone who cares to read it.
The other thing I found odd about this project was the lack of communication with the students from Frisch. At the beginning, there was some communication, but after a while it began to feel like a “collaboration” in name only.
That aside, the rest of the project was fine. I enjoyed learning more about Shlomit, and the volunteer work she does, and I also enjoyed seeing the wide range of meaningful work that others do.
In conclusion, there is something that I heard when I was interviewing my subject that I want to share here.
When I interviewed her, Shlomit said something that, as I said in the Profile, is a great philosophy. People should give of what they have plenty. If you have a big house, do hachnasat orchim. If you are wealthy, give tzedaka. One should identify a skill, or something they have plenty of, and use that to contribute to society. I think that this is a great idea. If you are really good at something, use it!
Table of Contents
Rationale
I decided to do my project on my neighbor Shlomit, because even without the volunteer work she does, she really does represent a "face of Israel". In my opinion, anyone who makes aliya is a face of Israel, simply because they made the choice to come here to live, which is very different than living here by default, by just being born here. Also, Shlomit made aliya at 17, just after high school, without family. This shows a strong desire and resolution to be here. For example, my aliya was totally out of my control, my parents made the decision for me, and I'm very glad they did! However, making aliya as a teenager, as your own decision shows a lot of determination, and belief that this is what's right to do.
Shlomit has five children, who I can honestly say are some of the nicest kids I know. A quality one sees a lot in Israelis is their assertiveness, and aggression, and fortunately, these are not qualities I see in Shlomit and her family, although they are very Israeli. In addition, in her lifetime Shlomit has done a lot of different things that contribute to society and to Israel, and will be'ezrat hashem continue to do so!
Profile
Shlomit was born in Phildelphia, and made aliya just after high school, when she was 17.During tenth grade, Shlomit lived in Rechovot for a year with her family, and studied at Tzvia, which is a very Zionistic school. The outlook at the school also contributed to her desire to make aliya, in addition to her friends.
"And when I was in tenth grade, I was in school with a bunch of friends that decided that I was going to make aliya after high school. They decided that. And I always wanted to make aliya, but I didn't know it would be at the age of seventeen!"
. After that year, the family returned to America, but when friends from Israel began to apply for Sherut Leumi, they also applied for Shlomit.
"They would send me letters, and call me and tell me that they applied for me here, and they applied for me there, and I would say, shtuyot (nonsense), I'm going to Stern College…. They called me up one day and said, "Listen, we got into Mevo Choron", and I said "Good for you!" They said:" No, good for you! You're coming with us!"1
She came to Moshav Mevo Cheron, near Modiin, and did National Service there. The service involved education, and work in the Ariel youth group on the moshav. The other part of the Sherut was at the airport, welcoming new olim from the Soviet Union, and making connections between new arrivals, and their relatives and friends in Israel.
After her year of National Service, Shlomit went to study Judaism at Orot College, after which she studied English literature, and political science at Bar Ilan University. She got married to Chezi in 1996, right after finishing at Bar Ilan and worked as a teacher and a project coordinator at a school, and in different organizations which work with Russian and Ethiopian olim, giving them Judaic enrichment. At the same time, she was working as an art teacher through a special program from an organization called Keren Karev which helps integrate education and creative projects in schools, particularly for "children at risk".
After getting married, they lived in Talmon, a yishuv in the Shomron, for a few years. During that time, Shlomit finished her degree at Bar Ilan, and worked at various jobs on the yishuv.
In 1998, she had her twin sons, Yonah and Harel.
The family lived in Jerusalem for a year and a half, and then in Rosh Tzurim for one year. Nine years ago, they moved to Efrat.
While in Talmon, Shlomit trained as a grant writer and did a master's degree in family counseling. Since then, she has been doing editing and writing work on and off, and also grant writing for all sorts of organizations.
Shlomit first became involved in matchmaking when she and her family were living in Rosh Tzurim.
“A friend of mine, she wasn't really my friend then, but for some reason, somebody told her that I'm interested in it, and I don't even know why she thought to call me...Now she's a very close friend of mine. And she called me up, and she told me: “Somebody told me that you're involved with shidduchim and I want to get married, I'm already twenty six years old, you really have to help me”.
And I said, “I'm not so involved with it, but I'll take your details and I'll see if I can help you”2
After that, Shlomit started collecting names, and trying to set people up.
Her daughter Shir, was born about two months after they arrived in Efrat, and soon after that, Shlomit decided to make a shabbaton for singles in Efrat.
After that year, she made five or six shabbatot in Efrat, ranging from about twenty singles to forty. The Shabbatot created a good opportunity for prospective couples to meet.
The people with whom Shlomit works are mostly younger religious people between 20 and 40, sometimes older. Some are from the area and the call Shlomit, who interviews them and puts the information into a database, which includes between three and four hundred people.
She also gets calls from people outside the area: “Sometimes I get a phone call from people in Haifa or the Golan or the Negev, and I don't know how they hear about me...People spread the word, and they call me and I interview them on the phone, or they come to my house.”3
Shidduchim are very, very hard to make. It's said in the Gemara that making a successful match is like the crossing of the Red Sea. Shlomit does not see herself as on the more successful side, but she works very hard at it.
“What I do is, I look through my database and I try to see what people are looking for, and based on that, I try to match them up. I set up probably anywhere between three and ten pairs a month...It usually doesn't work, it's very hard to make it work”4
Asked why it doesn't usually work, Shlomit answered that today, people are getting choosier and choosier. In today's “fast food era”, everybody wants the best possible product, now. In the past, people just wanted a nice spouse, whereas now they have a whole list of qualities that they are looking for in a partner, and they're very picky about it.
During the second Shabbaton in Efrat, there were about twenty five people attending.
“On Friday night, I took three men and three woman, and sent them to people's houses for a meal. So at that Shabbaton, there was a man who I knew very well and an old friend of mine from Bar Ilan, and I thought that they were very suitable. So I said to them: “Listen, I want you guys to me together at the Shabbat table for Friday night”. Each of them said to me the same thing. He said to me, “I know her, I met Nava, she's a really nice girl. I really don't mid being with her for Shabbat dinner, but don't put us together because you think that we're a match, because we're really not suited for each other.”5
The girl said essentially the same thing, that she didn't mind eating dinner together, but that they had been set up so many times, and they really weren't a match. Even though neither person was thrilled, they ended up at the same home for Shabbat evening anyway.
“So they sat together at the meal on Friday night and the spoke the entire shabbat, they were inseperable. Three weeks later, they were engaged, and today they have three daughters!”6
One prospective match that completely failed, was this:
“I once set up a friend of mine with a guy, who I was sure would be her husband, because he was just so similar to her. They went out, and she said afterward, “You know what? He's just to much like me!”7
Another very disappointing experience was a pair who got engaged, and everyone was excited and happy for them, but a few weeks later, they broke their engagement.
“That was very hard. I felt really bad about it.”8
One of Shlomit's goals for the future is to learn how to be a better matchmaker.
“I feel like, proportionate to the amount of time and effort that I put into it, I don't feel like I have enough results, and that's very disappointing.”9
As for long term goals, Shlomit wants to do three things.
One is to write a book about matchmaking. “I feel like writing a book on Jewish matchmaking will help me research the subject enough, and interview really successful, so that I could really learn more. Then, I want to share it with the world, in a book.”10
At the moment, however, Shlomit doesn't have the time to write a book, although she began it last year. Instead, she plans to write a blog, on the same subject. Eventually she plans to use the ideas and research from the blog, to compile a book.
“The other thing I'd like to do is to renew doing Shabbatonim again. I did one about three years ago, and that was my last one. I'd done five or six before that. Even though I think that time is probably better spent on setting people up, a lot of people have been asking me lately to bring people together in a Shabbat”11
Shlomit's philosophy is one that I think makes a lot of sense.
“Whenever people have a lot of something, they should share it. For example, people with a lot of money are supposed to give tzedaka. People with a big house should do hachnasat orchim. Everyone gives of their talents, of what they have plenty of, to the community. I feel that people who have a nice family life, their way of giving to the community should be to help other people get married as well.”12
When people thank Shlomit for making a shidduch for them, she makes a point of telling them that instead of repaying it to her, they should pass it on to others, and help their friends get married.
When asked whether she had a message she wanted to tell kids today, Shlomit said that everyone needs to find their own way to contribute to the community. If what you give is meaningful to you, then you not only give, but also receive. The gratification that comes from helping people in any capacity, whether it's shidduchim or anything else, is in itself very rewarding.
1-12. All footnotes quoted from interview with Shlomit
Background Research, Moshav Mevo Choron
Mevo Choron is the moshav on which Shlomit did Sherut Leumi. It is located in Emek Ayalon, close to Modiin and Latrun, and falls under the area of the Binyamin Council.
The moshav was founded by members of the Ezra youth movement, Garin Yahav. After the Six Day War, sixty members of Yahav decided that they wanted to found a settlement in the area captured during the war. The goal was to create a community which combined the values of work with a life of Torah and faith. They chose a rabbi for the moshav, who continues today to serve the community. For a long time, the moshav remained small, less than 40 families, but eventually grew and today it includes some 200 families, all religious.
The members of Garin Yahav entered the army and national service in the summer of 1968. Those doing national service arrived in what is now Mevo Modiin, and began various activities. Those serving in the army arrived some time after in the same area. Both groups eventually joined forces with other Garinim, "Segev", and "Mitnachlim", and eighteen months later, Mevo Choron was founded in Emek HaAyalon. After the Yom Kippur war, the moshav moved to its current location, and began to build permanent housing. Of the original members of Garin "Segev", ten couples married and still live in the settlement today.
The name chosen for the moshav comes from a biblical source in the book of Joshua.
The location of the moshav was chosen because of its proximity to other settlements, founded by the same movement, such as Shalavim, Chafetz Chaim, Bnei Reem, and Yesodot. Although the moshav is situated over the "Green Line", after long discussions and persuasion, its founding was eventually allowed by Moshe Dayan. When the moshav moved after the Yom Kippur War, the permanent location was allowed by Rechavam Ze'evi.
Today, Mevo Choron has several businesses situated on the moshav, such as agriculture, cows raised for slaughter, and a winery. In 1989, a company was started which produces ready made food for catering and other purposes. This business, in addition to employing people from the settlement, creates jobs for people from development cities like Lod, Ramle, and Ashkelon.
Moshav Mevo Choron is a thriving community with several synagogues, a library, several children's kindergartens, and a medical clinic, among other public buildings. They are now in the process of building new housing, and the community continues to grow today.
Sources: Community website of Moshav Mevo Choron: http://www.binyamin.org.il/?CategoryID=146&ArticleID=250
"Yesha council site: http://myesha.org.il/?CategoryID=175&ArticleID=103
Creative Connection
co·ex·ist [koh-ig-zist]1. to exist together or at the same time.
2. to exist separately or independently but peaceably, often while remaining rivals or adversaries: Although their ideologies differ greatly, the two great powers must coexist
(definition taken from http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/coexist).
This drawing is of a bumper sticker, which I feel illustrates the point I'd like to make.
As seen from the definition above, the word "coexist" can mean to exist together or at the same time, and it can also mean to exist separately, but peaceably, even as rivals.
The reason I chose to use this sticker for my project is because I believe that coexistence is something that the world in general needs to learn, and more specifically, Israel needs to learn.
That said, this sticker carries a powerful message, not only because of the meaning of the word, but because the meaning of the word is expressed in the letters spelling it.
Each of the seven letters is also a certain symbol, as well as a letter, and the letters can be split into two categories: The O and the S are very general symbols for peace and cooperation, and the remaining five letters represent certain demographic groups.
Coexist: The first letter of the word is not only a 'C', but also a crescent, with a five pointed star alongside it. The crescent is a well known Islamic symbol, and so represents the Muslim demographic.
Coexist: The second letter, the 'O', is a peace sign, which is a very universal symbol of peace. It was designed in 1958 as a logo for the Campaign for Nuclear Disarmament, and having never been copyrighted, spread quickly into more general use. The design is a combination of the letters 'N' and 'D' (standing for Nuclear Disarmament) in the flag semaphore alphabet, which is a system for conveying information over long distances, by means of visual signs such as flags. The sign for 'N' is made by holding the arms out from the body at a 45 degree angle, and the sign for 'D' is made by raising one flag above the head, and the other pointing down. The peace sign is a combination of the two.
Coexist: The third letter, the 'E', includes the symbols for male and female, which derive from astronomy and mythology.
The arrow protruding from the top of the letter is the symbol of Mars, who is the Roman god of war. It represents a shield and a spear.
The symbol at the bottom of the 'e' comes from Venus, who is the Roman goddess of love, beauty, and fertility. It symbolizes a mirror with a handle.
Both these symbols are still used today to denote the genders of plants, and also people. Because both the female and male symbols are on the same letter, the 'e' expresses unity and equality between the sexes.
Coexist: The 'x' is a Star of David, and obviously, it symbolizes the Jews, and Israel. As we know, it comes from the shield of King David, and since then has been used by Jews in many contexts, such as flags, mezuzot, amulets, tombstones, Magen David Adom and many more.
Coexist: The dot above the 'i' in the word is a symbol for the Wicca religion, which is a neopagan, nature-centered belief system. The Wiccan beliefs vary greatly from one practicer to another, but very generally, they believe in several of the mythological deities, and they place a lot of emphasis on nature and reverence of the earth. Although Wiccans are prohibited by their religion from engaging in rituals and activities which harm others, their religious practices bear some resemblance to those of Satanists, and obviously, this doesn't do wonders for their reputation. Frankly put, Wiccans are unusually bizarre. This is the reason that their symbol appears on this sticker. We should also tolerate people who are odd, and who practice unusual religions, provided that their religions are not harmful to others.
Coexist: The 's' here forms part of a “yin-yang” sign. This symbol is an originally Taoist image, and spread over the Western culture during the 50s and 60s. The circle represents Tao, which is the undifferentiated unity of all existence, and the black and white halves most commonly symbolize the feminine and the masculine. In Chinese, the words for feminine and masculine are yin-qi and yang-qi, hence the name of the symbol. The interesting thing about this is the way the two halves are connected. The swirling nature of the shapes represents the interdependence and constant transformation of the Yin and Yang. One cannot exist without the other, and as seen from the smaller constrasting circles within the symbol, each side always contain the other.
Returning to the bumper sticker, the yin-yang represents potential harmony and interdependence among people.
Coexist: The 't' quite clearly represents the Christian demographic in the world. The cross, or crucifix is the best known religious symbol of Christianity. It came into popular use around the second century AD, and originates from the shape of the cross on which Jesus was crucified. Like the Magen David in Judaism, the Christian cross has been used in a wide variety of settings, among them ornaments, swastikas, churches, and the Red Cross emergency system.
As we see, represented in this sticker are: the three major religions, Judaism, Christianity, and Islam, one minor but unusual religion, the Wiccans, and the two genders, female and male. Additionally, we have the peace sign, and the yin-yang sign, both symbolizing cooperation and harmony between people.
With regard to the colors in the drawing, the reason each letter is the same color, white, is to symbolize the equality between each demographic. Woman are not inferior to men, nor are Jews and Christians inferior to Muslims or Wiccans. White is also the color which symbolizes purity. I believe that almost all people are pure and good, somewhere inside them. All people are born pure, and they may do appalling things as they grow, but that innate spark is still around somewhere.
I chose to color the drawing the way I did because I wanted to illustrate a very overused cliche: “It takes all kinds to make the world go around”.
As I said, this is probably one of the world's most overworked cliches, but its truth is the reason for that. If all people were the same, life would be boring. To apply it to the drawing, if the green stripe wasn't there, it wouldn't look as good. If the purple wasn't there, it would be missing something.
In conclusion, I believe that coexistence is a very important concept to understand and apply, whether in the most trivial instance and whether in the most significant.
For instance, one may not like their neighbor or coworker very much, but they still need to live next to and work with them, to coexist with them. They may as well at least be civil to them.
On the other hand, in a matter such as our current situation in Israel, the different groups involved need to learn to coexist with one another. It goes without saying that this civility cannot be one sided. For example, I personally have no problem living next to Arabs on the condition that they understand that this is Israel, not Palestine, and on the condition that they don't murder me with tractors. However, that doesn't work if the Palestinian does intend to murder me with a tractor. The willingness to cooperate needs to come from both sides.
As another example, haredim are not my favorite people in the world (and I'm probably not theirs), but that doesn't mean that it's impossible to live in the same city, or area, or neighborhood as them.
Civility and respect for other people are the essence of coexistence, which is in turn, the potential backbone of global peace.
Literary Connection
I decided to do my literary connection on a song by the Beatles, "We Can Work it Out". Although the Beatles were active in a very different time period than ours, and although they were completely stoned when they wrote some of their songs, I think that a lot of their music describes things that are universal, and timeless.Songs like "Can't Buy Me Love", "Imagine", "Getting Better", are about situations and feelings that apply to thousands of different people, of all sorts. Therefore, even forty years after their breakup, their songs are still known the world over.
"We can work it out" is a song about cooperation, and reconciling our differences.
Lyrics:
Try to see it my way,
Do I have to keep on talking till I can't go on?
While you see it your way,
Run the risk of knowing that our love may soon be gone.
We can work it out,
We can work it out.
Think of what you're saying.
You can get it wrong and still you think that it's all right.
Think of what I'm saying,
We can work it out and get it straight, or say good night.
We can work it out,
We can work it out.
Life is very short, and there's no time
For fussing and fighting, my friend.
I have always thought that it's a crime,
So I will ask you once again.
Try to see it my way,
Only time will tell if I am right or I am wrong.
While you see it your way
There's a chance that we might fall apart before too long.
We can work it out,
We can work it out.
Life is very short, and there's no time
For fussing and fighting, my friend.
I have always thought that it's a crime,
So I will ask you once again.
Try to see it my way,
Only time will tell if I am right or I am wrong.
While you see it your way
There's a chance that we might fall apart before too long.
We can work it out 1
Although this song is actually about two people who are trying to get along, I think that it's applicable to lots of situations, among them the various conflicts in Israel today.
There are a lot of different factors in Israel's politics today. Among them are the Israelis, and all our subgroups of different religious and political beliefs, the Arabs, and all their subgroups, not to mention interference of other governments, like America.
I think that this song describes what needs to be done in politics now. Each of the above needs to understand the word compromise. They need to look outside the box, and see things someone else's way. Otherwise, we run the risk of knowing that any cooperation we do have with other factors is in danger.
One line that I particularly identify with is:
Life is very short, and there's no time
For fussing and fighting, my friend.
I have always thought that it's a crime,
So I will ask you once again.
Life really is too short to concentrate on things that don't matter. We need to stop fussing with political gestures to the Palestinians, and to the Americans, and simply do something already.
By the same token, each side in this needs to see the other side, and realize that they are not the only people on the planet.
The Americans need to understand that their political pressure on our government doesn't help anything, and the Palestinians need to learn to compromise. We shouldn't be agreeing to ridiculous exchanges that accomplish nothing more than handing them all the cards.
The other meaning that can be taken from this song is more on a personal level. The different religious and political groups in Israel need to learn to coexist. We need to show secular Israelis that not all religious people are fanatics, and that we really are not so different from them.
Only with civil cooperation between people, can we achieve anything.
1 source of song lyrics:(2006) Beatles Lyrics Archive. Retrieved April 20 2010, from http://www.beatleslyricsarchive.com/
Reflection
While doing this project, I learned about the importance and power of what everyday people do each day. Before this project, I didn't even know that Shlomit did volunteer work with singles.She has done a lot for many people and she keeps it very quiet, and both qualities are worth taking away from the project, both that of hard work and effort, and that of being humble about the results.
The spirit of voluteering is fortunately quite common in our Israeli society. This is one of my favourite things about Israel, the feeling of connection, that each person is responsible not only for themselves, but also for those around them. Israelis have an innate concern for the people surrounding them, and this shows the amount of brotherhood, and empathy in our society.
My expectations for this project, concerning the whole computerized aspect, the wiki, the collaboration with Frisch and so on, were sadly disappointed. I had assumed that the goal in using the computers and the wiki was to make it easier to access, and so forth. It seems, however, that the goal here was to make the wiki aggravating and frustrating to use. I found the wiki extremely user-unfriendly and unnecessary. Wouldn't it be easier to simply type up the paper, and hand it in? Why make things complicated? In addition, I am not particularly comfortable having my work on the Internet for anyone who cares to read it.
The other thing I found odd about this project was the lack of communication with the students from Frisch. At the beginning, there was some communication, but after a while it began to feel like a “collaboration” in name only.
That aside, the rest of the project was fine. I enjoyed learning more about Shlomit, and the volunteer work she does, and I also enjoyed seeing the wide range of meaningful work that others do.
In conclusion, there is something that I heard when I was interviewing my subject that I want to share here.
When I interviewed her, Shlomit said something that, as I said in the Profile, is a great philosophy. People should give of what they have plenty. If you have a big house, do hachnasat orchim. If you are wealthy, give tzedaka. One should identify a skill, or something they have plenty of, and use that to contribute to society. I think that this is a great idea. If you are really good at something, use it!
Bibliography
Reninger, Elizabeth. About.com. About.com, 25 Feb. 2010. Web. 6 Apr. 2010. <http://taoism.about.com/od/visualsymbols/p/YinYang.htm>.2006) Beatles Lyrics Archive. Retrieved April 20 2010, from http://www.beatleslyricsarchive.com/
Ben-Michael, Shlomit, grant writer,interview, Efrat, 2010
co exist.(n.d.).Online Etymology Dictionary. Retrieved April 24, 2010, from Dictionary.com website: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/co exist
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Robinson, Bruce. A. Religious Tolerance. Ontario Consultants on Religious Tolerance, 13 Mar. 2009. Web. 14 Apr. 2010. <http://www.religioustolerance.org/witchcra.htm>.
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